I haven't posted anything for awhile but that's mostly because I've been working on big big things for the new career I decided I would do this week since I like to change career tracks every so often. I like to call these career switches my last year in college life crisis.
Anyways this week I'm: MODELING!
new headshots...no big deal.No Seriously, I'm a model now. Stop laughing. Anyone can be a model these days after all, you just need a facebook account and a 2,000 dollar hipster camera. Or photobooth with special effects-you know whatever floats your boat.
As a result of my new career path, I've decided to apply to the newest season of America's Next Top Model. Which brings me to my next question: Is that still going on? I'm not sure. If it is, it's probably in season 24 and I'm going to be on it.
So WATCH OUT TYRA! I'm FIERCE! RARRR.
Sorry got a little riled up- Check out some of my portfolio:
This is from my edgy shoot: I call it "Drank A Bottle of Wine and Tried to Walk Down the Stairs"
Here's one that I did in Italy on a shoot for Vogue:
I don't know about any of the rest of you models out there, but I find it pretty hard to be a model with very little fashion sense. Not having a fashion sense as a girl sucks. Seriously, can I buy one somewhere?
My high school fashion career basically consisted of sweatpants and glasses along with the occasional too tight pair of pants that made me look fat. Sometimes I'd go for the tight shorts option and forget to shave my legs. This led to some really nasty comments from my best friend at the time that crushed me as a sixteen year old. I didn't eat for like a whole hour. Life was so hard.
Anyways- I'd say my peak-like-when I really started coming into my own was when senior year I wore crazy colored tights. I was the neon queen. In retrospect I probably did it because then people would just consider me quirky and instead of saying that I lacked style would just say that I had my very own. I'm not talking American Apparell "oooh this is trendy right now! Let's wear orange pants today!" crazy colors, I am talking bat shit crazy "WOW she's wearing green and red and purple in the same outfit with gold shoes and blue sea horse earrings!! How original!!" Well I'm not sure if it was really that original, it mostly came from that fact that I'm creative and relatively color blind.
Anyways, the crazy tights gig worked for awhile, but when I tried to continue it in college it didn't bode so well since I ended up in a University full of hot biddies and hipsters. All I was left with was being an 18 year old with a bunch of crazy colored tights 12 year olds buy from Claire's, and a shit ton of really good Halloween costume options.
No one told me I wasn't allowed to wear fuzzy blue leggings to the club okay?
This required a bit of a wardrobe reform, but it's okay I've worked it out now. I either :
A) Call my exceedingly much more fashionable and younger sister J so she can tell me what to wear and give me rules and guidelines for the outfit of the day/evening. For Example,
Actual J Rules:
" sweatpants are for studying alone in your apartment....they make your ass look big and are not to be worn in public." (I have to admit I cheat on this rule a lot. Probably 6 out of 7 days a week.
"No, a striped top and lacey black see through tights with a flower patterns on them do not go together!" (How can someone be THIS detail oriented? It would have taken me hours to notice all those things about the outfit)
"You are a WINTER and you need to stop wearing magenta and yellow!" (What does being a winter mean? Does it mean I'm a frigid bitch? Does it mean always wear a jacket even in summer? Does it mean I'm COOL???)
"no, you can't wear that dress because your boobs are out and you're going to look slutty when you meet your boyfriends parents for the first time. That is a dress that you can wear to the club or when you're trying to get laid.' (Actually she packed me outfits for the whole week I stayed with them. Like full on outfits with instructions on a piece of paper in case I forgot how to match colors which came very much in handy because of course I did)
"Okay seriously if you ever wear that skirt again I will come to Montreal and kill you. It cuts you in half! (I don't understand this. I still feel like a whole entire person wearing it.)"
My other options:
B) Look into four mirrors and parade around my house whining about being fat and ugly until my roommate B. tells me I look good.
C) Go to my boyfriends apartment, look into four mirrors and parade around his house whining about being fat and ugly until my boyfriend C. tells me I look good. If he doesn't I cry for what appears to be no reason and throw assorted candy wrappers I find in my coat pocket at him. It's okay...blame the crazy on the PMS. (like every day of the month. Seriously it's like the one advantage of having a vagina.)
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I wonder if any celebrities or models have a really really terrible sense of fashion. Like do you think Heidi Klum ever forgets to tie her shoes or brush her hair? I'm sure she did one of those things at least once.
You know what-I think there's hope. I really do think I can be a successful model with a booming career with just about zero fashion sense. And you know what? Maybe one day I'll even get a stylist who's not a forced sister or roommate or boyfriend. Just maybe.
Reach for the stars kids...reach... for the stars.
xoxo,
Clown Girl
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