Okay, I'm getting pretty concerned with
how serious the Hurricane Sandy warnings are getting on the news.
I'm originally from New York City but I don't live there anymore and
it's strangely enough times like these when I miss it the most.
I love you New York, and I hope that
everyone stays safe, warm, and dry and that the subways don't flood
so that you are still a functioning city afterwards. I know that this
hurricane must be a really big deal because all of your Starbucks
locations are closed. I don't know how all of you are going to live
for the next 48 hours. I will pray for you.
I find that New Yorkers are
particularly bad at handling natural disasters. Maybe it's because
when they happen we're used to being on the go and end up confined to our small apartments with our families and only our facebook statuses to
express ourselves with until the power goes out. Maybe it's because
most of us use our ovens for extra storage space and don't really
know that when the news tells us to buy non-perishable items, they
don't mean beer, wine, gum, and cheese nips. In a city that's used
to having everything it needs at all hours of the night, it's really
hard to not panic when Duane Reade, the corner deli, or CVS closes.
(Seriously since moving from the city I've really missed being able
to go downstairs to the corner at two AM to buy razors, a sandwich,
condoms, marshmallows, mascara, a greeting card, and dog food.)
(Hurricane Essentials)
I know right now people there are
freaking out about lack of hurricane supplies because yesterday my
sister J. almost got clubbed to death by a 35 year-old wielding a can
of chickpeas trying to buy the last box of quinoa at the union square
Whole Foods. NO ORGANIC HEALTH FOOD FOR THREE DAYS AHHH THE HORROR.
If any of you need to do Yoga though,
don't panic-I did just get an email from a Yoga studio telling me that even though the storm was on, they were open. So don't worry you can all still stay fit and have
toned asses even at a time like this! I'm talking to you Lulu Lemon
Squad! So hurry hurry hurry to the 9 PM class!
All that being said, I am really
worried about my family's own safety. But it's not because of the
hurricane (even though they live along the East River) but actually
because they're all trapped in a small apartment together. We have
three rooms (a set up I'm sure fellow New York families are familiar
with) so each of them have picked one of these rooms to spend waiting
out the storm in. This set up goes as follows:
My mom's in the living room on the
main desk top computer sending me emails of pictures of cute cats
and videos about pygmy goats,
(
http://animal.discovery.com/tv-shows/animal-planet-presents/videos/pets-101-pygmy-goats.htm)
along with some angry email rants about how much my dad and sister
are pissing her off. She also is enjoying posting things on my
facebook not realizing that my wall is in fact, not a message and
that everyone can see what she is writing.
J. is in the bedroom sending me
emails about how much our parents suck from her laptop along with a
commentary about the season of 90210 she's watching and some
pictures of fashion items she's pinning to Pintrest and:
Dad's in his office (the bathroom)
sending me articles about recent murders that have happened in
Montreal (where I live) from his i-phone along with some advice on
how to protect myself from identity theft and genocide.
They've all been really really good
about not getting into a fight so far, but I still remember
Hurricane Irene which I was home for because it was in the summer of 2011.
I remember it like it was yesterday. It
was a rainy summer day and everyone in the city was flipping out
because Starbucks and Duane Reade were closed. I was amongst these
people. My sister and I had a lot of pent up energy and were bored so we decided to dress up fancy and watch a movie on
Netflix, but ended up getting into a fist fight about whether to
watch Jackass or Casa Blanca. If you know both of us, you can
probably guess who wanted to watch what. (Hint: She's the classy
one).
So here's a progression of that fight :
Note the coffee cups we're clutching on to for dear life.
My mom had two bottles of wine in the
fridge so she and I decided to drink them both. We are both not good
drunks (Read: Ability to get wasted after a single glass of wine, or
check out this blog post about one of my previous drunken
experiences: http://xoxoclowngirl.blogspot.ca/2011/09/what-is-it-about-alcohol-that-makes-bad.html ) and ended up prank calling the chinese food restaurant about 19
times because that was one of the only things open. We were lucky and our
power didn't go out even though the news stations had said that it
was a possibility, so we got to watch a family movie together and I
somehow ended up in the corner hysterically drunk crying because the
dog in My Dog Skip gets hit in the head with a shovel.
My dad then told me to “Shut the
fuck up” because he was trying to watch the movie which reminded me
of child hood nostalgia and that time I cried because I was getting
on a bus to go to camp and he told me to “Shut the fuck up" and handed me a box of tampons, a flashlight,
and some batteries which in his head was all an eight year girl
needed to get sent away from home for the first time.
My family then consumed about two
pounds of gummy bears (another necessesary New Yorker hurricane
non-perishable) and had a HUGE fight about politics and whether or
not Lindsey Lohan was a good actress which ended in our favorite game
“WHO CAN SCREAM THE LOUDEST?” and then the next day I woke up on
my couch with our poodle on my head and no pants on only to find out
that Hurricane Irene basically skipped Manhattan entirely.
If we didn't kill each other through
the last Hurricane, I'm pretty sure all three of them will be okay
throughout this one-even without Starbucks.
Anyways, I hope everyone stays safe in
Hurricane Sandy (Seriously, Sandy sounds like a bitch) and good luck
waiting out the storm! I miss you New York!
Xoxo,
Clown Girl
I'm all dressed and ready to go as non slutty Harry Potter. No really-I'm even wearing pants. That's big people.
