Dear Friends on Facebook who have pictures of their babies as profile pictures instead of pictures of themselves,
Do you think anyone can lend me their small child for the night? I'm thinking a two, three, or six year old. They have to be able to walk. I'm not trying to be creepy or anything-but I need one for Halloween. No-don't worry it's not for my costume, I need one so that I can go trick or treating. (Although it would be kinda cool to dress up as Willy Wonka and have your child dress up as an Oompa Loompa. That's not weird, right? Sh. We'll talk about it later.)
I just miss trick or treating, okay? I miss not being pressured to come up with a costume that's either slutty or clever and topical, and I miss not having the pressure to drink so many skittle flavored vodka shots that I puke into my boyfriend's trash can or my roommates purse.
Look-it probably works out for you too. I mean you're probably sick of your kid anyways right? I know I would be. All I'm saying is-FREE BABYSITING. All in exchange for your child, and a measly reasonable percentage of his or her candy. Don't worry, I wont take all of their candy. But at least 70 to 80 %. Mostly chocolate. And I'm super responsible. You can check my credentials and everything. I have all my shots. I wont take your kid to a bar or anything like that. They can have coffee at that age though, right? It'll probably be a late night.
I would have one of my own, but I'm really not down for the whole getting fat for 9 months, having it come out between my legs, (I only want things going up there, not out) and then having to take care of it for the rest of my life deal. I just want one for this one night.
I mean isn't that why people have children? To use them as Halloween slaves?
Anyways,
let me know what you think.
Happy Halloween!
xo,
Your Child's Auntie Clown Girl
I'm all dressed and ready to go as non slutty Harry Potter. No really-I'm even wearing pants. That's big people.
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