“2 Idiots Abroad”
Now Spiels and I arrived in London to stay in a lovely home of people we met on the internet through a couch surfing website. This was a great idea, except being from New York City we are so stubborn that we don’t like to ask directions to places. We decided to take the tube right from the airport to prove that we were city girls who could navigate London expertly. When we got on the tube, the announcer said “this is a Piccadilly bound line to “Cockfosters.” Well being incredibly jetlagged and incredibly immature, we couldn’t stop laughing. Have you ever heard a British person say the word Cock? Cause it’s hilarious. Go youtube it right now or check out British porn or something. After getting dirty looks from everyone around us who were probably thinking something along the lines of “Bloody retard Americans. Jolly ho chaps” we got off at our stop and got lost. When I imagined myself in London it went something along the lines of this: I go to the flap we’ve rented-oops I mean flat-and change my clothes into a beautiful gown I’ve bought especially for London.Then I’m outside Buckinham palace and I meet the love of my life Harry Potter. We gallavant off to do magical wizardry things and he dumps Ginny Weasley for me. Then since he is a national hero we go have tea with the Queen and King Arthur or Phillip or whatever his name is. Instead upon arrival I got yelled at by a homeless man. He was very angry. When he asked me a question I pretended I didn’t speak english. I said “non ho capito” (I didn’t understand in italian) and he then told me to “go back to China where I came from." I felt at home immediately. Yes, London’s homeless people had charmed me, and I was immediately in love with a new place and ready for adventure! After dropping all of our stuff off at the flat, we attempted to make coffee on our lovely hosts espresso machine. We thought we could figure out but it ended up with the machine going out of control and me dumping it upside down not over a sink (I’m smart) but don’t worry we cleaned it up and I don’t think they know. We had coffee and tea at the exotic starbucks to get our batteries recharged and then headed out to explore the city. I walked into a bunch of train platform and embarassed Spiels, but none were platform 9 ¾. I then tried to climb a lion at Trafalgar Square. I knocked over two small children trying to get to the top but to no avail. We then started our lovely travel diet called Economexia. Now Economexia is all the rage in Europe nowadays, I mean I would know I’ve been abroad for like a whole day now so clearly I’m an expert on everything like all of you lovely people who’ve been abroad one semester. I love football. No-no, I don’t mean American football, you may know it as soccer but it’s not called that. Also now I say cool words like cheers and only drink espresso. I went to see this art exhibit but I forget what it’s called. I’m like so cultured. See? Expert. Economexia is a diet when you don’t eat food in order to conserve money and fit into your bikini for summer. It can be done anywhere in the world really. Economexia diet plan: Breakfast: cereal you buy from a store Lunch: a piece of candy Dinner:belly button lint? We’re going to look FABU in no time. Then, the following morning I went to Stonehenge. It was incredibly breathtaking. I began to imagine how amazing it was that I was standing in a spot that was sacred to former civilizations. Even though the tour guide said that no one really knows what the stones are or how they got there, I think he’s just stupid. Clearly you can recognize them from that episode of the Flinstones where Fred is cooking dinosaur burgers on giant stones. DUHHHH. Obvi Stonehenge was a prehistoric restaurant. Archeological case closed. I’m a genius. See, cartoons really did teach me something! I will be sure to keep you updated with more of my pretentious travel diary throughout the summer.
Xoxo,
Clown Girl
