While I can't offer very good advice on how to avoid this, I CAN offer advice on what not to do when you're trying to crap out a 15 page paper due tomorrow.
1) Stay off facebook. Because, well....you were only going to check your wall because you got a notification on your phone that someone messaged you (It's your friend in the same class pulling an all nighter checking to see if your paper is shittier than theirs or not) but then you saw this great post about an article about politics or cats or something on your roommates friends cousins wall (like you don't know him, but the post showed up on your newsfeed and you just HAD to click it) and then THAT article had these great links to these other cute pictures of baby pigs and recipes for cupcakes. Which reminds you of this cool brownie recipe you saw on Pintrest, which you're obviously going to have to go check out because like, duh you have time to make brownies right now. MMM...are those oreo truffles? Better go post the recipe on your friends wall. HAHA someone posted a hilarious status about how they're fucked for their paper and like seventeen people liked it! FUCK. You're fucked for your paper too!! Wait, shouldn't you be writing it? NAHHH. You have to come up with a WAY cleverer fucked for school status.
2) Don't spend twenty-five minutes contemplating whether or not you should break into your roommates room because you KNOW she has chocolate in the top drawer of her desk. Because trust me, if she wakes up in the middle of you doing it, even if you're best friends, she WILL be creeped out and probably put a lock on her door.
3) Don't think it's a good idea to send a professor an email about your paper. You probably aren't as coherent as you think you are. I mean it's three in the morning. So you may end up with an draft like this:
"Dear Professor ____,
I'm just wondering if you would like us to focus more on the thesis of our original argument, or the new research we've gathered in our brains for the final paper which we've clearly been researching for the whole semester, and obviously didn't try to read all the material that exists in the entire world, on the internet and jstor in one night. That didn't make very much sense now did it? Fuck. Wait you can't write fuck in an email to a professor can you? My bad. I'm sorry man. No seriously I'm really sorry. That was disrespectful."
4) Try and find a solution to your life and future like RIGHT now. Because it can't wait till you finish the paper, you really need to figure out what you're going to do with your life at this moment and also solve world hunger.
5) Write or read a blogpost. You definitely shouldn't spend fifteen minutes doing that, should you?
Happy Finals Season,
Xoxo,
Clown Girl
