All I've ever wanted to be for my entire life was a Disney Princess. I grew up wanting to be The Little Mermaid, but at a certain point realized that I didn't have red hair or a tail so I switched to wanting to be Belle. Regardless, for the first couple years of my life when anyone would ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I responded with either “A cat” or “The Little Mermaid”. My parents were not proud. I guess they figured I would grow out of it at some point, but when I failed to realize that I could not in fact be the Little Mermaid or a cat, their solution was to tell me that in order to become a Disney Princess, one needed a law or a medical degree. This prompted a slew of questions.
--
“But what does Ariel do?”
“Ariel is a lawyer at Cravath, Swaine, & Moore. She works in a HUGE office in the middle of Manhattan for A LOT of money.”
“Did she take Flounder and Sebastian with her?”
“yes. They live in a bowl on her desk.”
“Ariel is a lawyer at Cravath, Swaine, & Moore. She works in a HUGE office in the middle of Manhattan for A LOT of money.”
“Did she take Flounder and Sebastian with her?”
“yes. They live in a bowl on her desk.”
“But What does Belle do?”
“Belle is a publisher for Random
House. She works midtown and is married to the Beast. They have a
huge townhouse on the Upper East side.”
“Did they take all the servants with
them too?”
“yes. You can see Mrs. Potts she takes their poodles out for walks in central park.”
“yes. You can see Mrs. Potts she takes their poodles out for walks in central park.”
“What about Sleeping
Beauty?”
“Sleeping Beauty is a doctor at Sloan Kettering. She helps people with cancer. All the princesses just went to the fundraiser she held last weekend. ”
“Sleeping Beauty is a doctor at Sloan Kettering. She helps people with cancer. All the princesses just went to the fundraiser she held last weekend. ”
“oh.”
“Does Cinderella have a job
too?”
“She works at Goldman Sachs”
“What's that?”
“It's a place where princesses work. Maybe you'll work there some day!”
“She works at Goldman Sachs”
“What's that?”
“It's a place where princesses work. Maybe you'll work there some day!”
–
So after hearing this I decided I was
most DEFINITELY going to college.
Then when I was eight years old a girl
named Julie told me that there weren't any Jewish disney princesses
so I couldn't be one. So I did the rational thing and bit her.
I vowed right then and there to be the
first genuine Jewish disney Princess.
I still have my original sketches of her (I wasn't(still am not) a good artist but check these out:)
RIGHT. RIGHT. I'm so damn talented.
Her name is Jappy. Twenty points for
whoever gets that joke.
For awhile after that I switched to
wanting to be Harry Potter. I even mailed myself a letter when I was
ten from Hogwarts in the hopes that I could trick my parents to
sending me to London. I was SURE that when I got there everyone would
figure out that I was a witch and stick me in Hogwarts anyway. PSH
who needs logistics?
After a number of years, I decided to
semi grow up and switched to telling people that I wanted to be a
marine biologist.
(I don't know I'd just seen Flipper
and Free Willy and something inside of me clicked. But my parents
were happy with the whole science thing.)
So I went to a science high school.
Where I almost flunked biology.
THEN I pretty much failed math.
That's when I realized that I'd had it
wrong all along. I didn't want to be a marine biologist or a princess
with a medial degree or harry potter. What I wanted to be was an
ACTRESS who could be any of those things. Even a cat.
Childhood identity crisis problem
solved. Now I can be anything that I want.
Watch out Disney fans, Jappy the Jewish
Princess is coming your way.
Xoxo,
Clown Girl
