Failed Stress Release

I've been really stressed out lately, so today I decided to have some fun. Because I find myself way too amusing and have the brain of an eight year old boy, I decided it would be a good idea to scare the crap out of my boyfriend by stealing his cellphone directly in front of him, pretending to walk out of his apartment building with it(he lives on the ground floor), and instead hide in the laundry room right next to the front door of the building only to pop out and scream when he walked by subsequently scaring the crap out of him.

I know I'm so romantic.
My boyfriend is too. Here's an excerpt of the love note he just chatted me on facebook: (note: this is real)

Best. couple.ever.

Anyways, here's what happened:

Everything is going according to plan. I steal my boyfriend's blackberry and run out the door pretending to run out of the apartment. I hear his apartment door open because he is pissed off that I took his cellphone.  I hear him say, "Raach?" checking to see if I'm still in the building. I hear his door shut and assume he has walked out and is going to walk past the laundry room outside to chase me down the street with his cellphone.  I'm hiding, adrenaline is rushing, I'm so excited to scare him. I hear footsteps. He is about to walk past me. I pop out of the laundry room and scream AHHH and then realize the person who I have just screamed at and scared is an 85 year old Quebecois man with a hearing aid. He is not amused. He yells things at me in french. I have no idea what he's saying  (even though I've lived in Montreal for four years and probably should) so to me it sounded like he was screaming "BAGUETTE MS. CLAVELLE MADEILINE FROMAGE CA VA BIEN LE CHAT EST SUR LE TABLE!!!!!!!" and I apologize profusely.

Anyways, I guess I learned a couple valuable lessons today: 

1) Don't hide in public laundry rooms.

2) Old people don't like to be scared.

Now as a result I have a crippling fear of old people. Like I'm scared to call my own grandmother right now because I keep having post traumatic stress flashbacks to that old french man screaming at me. I can just add this to my list of irrational fears which include:

1) Tiny women.

2) Dying in a greyhound bus crash while I'm on the toilet in the back. (They need to add seat belts to those toilets. For real.)

3)  Sharks in the bathtub even though they live in the ocean (although to be fair when I was a kid my parents thought it would be funny to tell me sharks could come up from the drain and lived in NYC sewers.)

4) Vaginas. (I'm even scared of my own. They look like aliens or something.)

5) People figuring out that I facebook stalk them all the time. (Don't judge me. You do it too.)

Let me know if you share any of the same fears as me. We can bond about it.

xoxo,

Clown Girl

(Studying Gear)