FINALS: EEEK! WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO? YOU HAVEN'T GONE TO CLASS OR LISTENED TO YOUR LECTURES OR TAKEN YOUR TEXT BOOK OUT OF THE PLASTIC!!! HOW EVER ARE YOU GOING TO PASS ALL OF YOUR CLASSES??!! Chill out. I got you guys. Just follow my comprehensive guide, and you'll be golden.
Step 1: Wake up in the morning feeling like P Diddy. Or Harry Potter, or Hillary Clinton-whatever figure will give you a boost of confidence in the morning. Try to wake up early, or at least set your alarm for 7 AM and then hit snooze so it feels like you're being really productive when you sleep for two more hours.
Step 2: Wake up for real, and go for a run at the gym to get your creative juices flowing so you can focus on properly studying. Try to find your sports bra and put on shorts. Once those are on sit on your bed so you can put your sneakers on. Fall back asleep.
Step 3: Wake up again for real, and try to go out the door but OOPS you forgot your iphone and you can't go running without it since you need music-and you really haven't eaten since yesterday so open the fridge and try to find breakfast. Realize you haven't gone grocery shopping in 3 weeks. Well you can't go running without food and you can't get food without going grocery shopping. Guess you're gonna have to go shopping.
Step 4: on the way to the grocery store, run into an old friend. Realize you should have coffee together. Decide to do it that instant. Talk about how STRESSED you both are with the end of the semester. When you finish, go back home and agree that you will go out together later when you are done studying.
Step 5: SHIT you forgot to go running and buy groceries. Okay well time for the library. Log onto a library computer. Go on facebook for like 4 hours. You're like really really stressed for your final Monday, so you should study. But you know what- you're just so stressed out from studying, take a break.
Step 6: You can't study without another coffee. Go buy coffee. You see that the coffee shop has muffins. Well, you didn't really go to the gym but you'll go tomorrow so buy a muffin with your coffee. Go back to the library. Check out your phone. You're friend texted you to come over and watch the first three seasons of 90210. Hmm...okay. You can probably do work at the same time.
Step 7: You and your friend make dinner together because you really only ate a muffin and coffee today and you did so much work and kind of went to the gym (or at least put your sports bra on) so you deserve a break.
Step 8: SO STRESSED OUT. Make sure to complain to your friend about how stressed out you are. List all your finals in order multiple times, and compete with each other to see who is more stressed out or who is the most fucked out of the two of you. FINAL MONDAY AHHHHH. FREAK OUTTTT. THREATEN TO KILL YOURSELF. THIS IS SO HARD. Shove twizzlers in your mouth. Relax. It's okay you'll go to the gym tomorrow. Feel guilty cause you're complaining and people in Africa don't have water and stuff.
Step 8: Wake up the next morning on your friend's couch, feeling like P Diddy. Eat chocolate easter bunny lying around house. It's okay..you're going to go to the gym as soon as you find your sports bra...
-yeah right.
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