How The Grinch Stole Finals:

Happy Holidays from all of (one of us) at xoxoclowngirl.blogspot.com!
Everyday we (me) will be posting a new story to get you into the holiday spirit!
So without further ado,
I give you,

How The Grinch Stole Finals:

BY CLOWN GIRL, THE GREATEST STUDENT KNOWN TO MANKIND

 

*An actual picture of the one and only CG during finals. Lock up your junkfood, and hide your coffee people!

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Everyone in college studied a lot,
But CG who lived ten minutes to campus did not.


CG hated school! The whole studying season!
Now, please don't ask why. We don't know the reason. 


It could be, perhaps, that she only stayed up drinking at night
It could be that her head wasn't screwed on just right.


But I think that the most likely reason of all, 
May have been that her pants were five sizes too small.


But, whatever the reason, her insomina,fat ass, or the booze,
She stood there the night before her final needing to snooze.


Staring down from her laptop with a sour, CG frown,
She dreamed of a vacation where she could tan and turn brown.


For she knew that she would probably fail her final tomorrow
And sincerely her heart was then filled up with sorrow.

"And I can't get off facebook!" she snarled with a sneer.
"Tomorrow is my final! It's practically here!"


Then she went to get coffee to keep in the spirit of bumming,
"I must find some way to keep this final from coming!


For, this week I have five in a row,
and I want to go home and can't deal with this snow!

Then she got an idea! An awful idea!
CG got a wonderful, sleep deprived, awful idea!


"I know just what to do!" CG laughed in her throat.
"I'll make a quick Santy Claus hat and a coat."


And she chuckled, and clucked, "What a great stupid trick!
With this coat and this hat, I'll look just like Saint Nick!"


While that was entertaining for five minutes, CG quickly got bored.

So she decided to see if there was anymore coffee to be poured.

At five AM CG got lonely, 

as the library was not at all homely. 

"All I need is a boyfriend." CG looked around.
But since she was in the computer lounge during finals at five AM, there was none to be found.


Did that stop CG? Hah! She simply said,
"If I can't find a boyfriend, I'll make one instead!"


So she thought up an imaginary friend,
He was named Bill and he had brown hair,

she decided the way they'd met was at the county fair.

Then she took some imaginary yarn, 
And knit him an imaginary sweater, while she internet shopped at pottery barn!




Her best friend CS came into the library, and saw her credit card out


And CS was not stupid, so she began to shout.

"CG PUT YOUR CREDIT CARD AWAY! 

SAVE YOUR SLEEP DEPRIVED E-SHOPPING FOR ANOTHER DAY.

THE LAST TIME YOU DID THIS, DURING MIDTERMS, YOUR PURCHASE WAS SHIT

YOU BOUGHT CELLULITE REDUCTION SHORTS AND HATS FOR YOUR ARM PIT"

Then CG decided to giggle, and pouted, 
Her final was tomorrow, and so she shouted,

"I WISH I COULD PARTY, FUCK ALL THIS CRAP!"

And then started to cry because she had like 8 books to memorize sitting in her lap.

It was quarter of dawn. She was not at all prepared,
She didn't know the history of world war one, like she was supposed to, as she never had cared,

She started to get seriously sad, 

so she bought a whole cake, ate it and was glad.

Then she puzzled and puzzled till her puzzler was sore,
And then CG thought of something she hadn't before.


"Maybe I should study? I never did that before.
Yes,YES  I should study, maybe learn a bit more!"


So she buckled down, studied, and ate some more cake,
and kinda flirted with an actual real dude named Jake,


And what happened then? Well, it's said come what may,
That CG's fat ass grew three sizes that day!

And then the true meaning of finals came through at last,

don't procrastinate bitches, cause finals creep up fast!