I Have Long Accepted That I Will Never Be a Domestic Goddess...

I usually use my oven for storage space.

(Disclaimer:  if you enjoy a clean house, home cooked meals, and people who don't hold casual business meetings with their parrot/get arrested for breaking animals out of the zoo, don't marry or live with me.)

Somehow this still doesn't stop me from waking up in the morning and checking the latest entries on food gawker (my hard drive is loaded with images of sensual sandwiches and creamy frosting), and thinking "Hm...I think I can cook today." If I ever say this to you out loud, run in the opposite direction. Run, and hide all of your most valued possessions. 

Sometimes my girl C tries to cook dinner with me, and then quickly discovers that it probably is a better idea to make me clean up. After she commands this, she figures out that it would have been better to just make me stand in a corner with my back facing the wall. Eventually she just asks me to give her money for all the ingredients/damage to her brain cells.

I got my easy bake oven taken away as a child, because instead of making cupcakes i tried to figure out what made the light bulb turn on, and burned myself.

The last time I tried to make a cake in a real non-easy oven, it was for my friend A's birthday.  I got as far as putting all the eggs in the mix and adding salt because I wanted to see if I could make the Power Puff girls- then I got distracted by the latest episode of The Real Housewives of Atlanta and forgot what I was doing. I later explained  to the rest of the girls that I was "doing homework" and "didn't have time to make a cake" and I bought a chocolate one that was probably much better than the one I would have made anyway.

I think you know you suck at cooking when you offer to make your family dinner and they take you out to eat in exchange for you not cooking.

Well whatever, I'm good at other things!

xoxo,

-CG