When I last wrote, I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. I think I've figured it out (at least for this month). I made this list of "Things you can do with a Bachelors of Arts degree" and decided that I'm going to become a PROFESSOR innn (drumroll please...) DISNEY ANALYSIS!!!
Which means that right now I'm getting a B.A. D (a Bachelors of Arts degree in Disney) and am hoping to start my M.A.D. (Masters of (Art? Association?) in Disney) next fall!
Here's why:
I recently had to re-watch Pocahontas for a class I'm in, (I'm in my last semester of college, and I take a couple classes I'm ashamed to admit I do) and realized that when you're an adult Disney takes on a whole new perspective. I mean, I can't believe my parents watched this crap with me. And believe me, they had to watch it over and over, cause I was one of those special kids who like to re-watch scenes a lot. Now that I think about it, I'm pretty sure my mom once tried to break 101 Dalmations after I made her watch it 101 times, cause I caught her standing over it with a hammer but when I asked her about it she just said she was trying to fix it. LIES MOM. LIES. You can't fix VHS with a hammer. I now know that. Thank you for trying to protect me.
Anyways I bring you:
A Serious Analysis of Disney's Pocahontas (Seriously).
Backround Research:
Is anyone else concerned that Disney characters never seem to have moms? A professor in a playwriting class once told me that, "good moms don't make good drama", which I guess is true like 90% of the time, but why does that have to be true for a children's story? I mean can't a Disney character ever not have a dead mom or evil stepmother and still have a good story? Even Nemo's mom dies, and I get it, fish have short life spans and Disney wanted to keep it real, but couldn't the dad have gotten eaten instead? Basically, Disney movies set me up to believe that I was supposed to have an awesome borderline creepy relationship with my dad and sing a songs with him, but every time I tried to sing a duet with my dad, he just told me "shut up." Okay, so maybe that was last week- but still.
Ariel has an Electra Complex. No big deal.
#professorRachelatworktodiscovernewtruthsandhastagsforacademia
METHODOLOGY
I used to think she was kind of a cool role model because she didn't marry the dude her dad wanted her to and is supposed to be a free spirit, but then I realized that John Smith is a douche. THEN I realized... wait...So....no one in her village cares that she seems to have no friends (except for that bitchy girl in the canoe at the beginning) and talks to mostly animals? Her best friends are a raccoon and a hummingbird. And she thinks her grandmother is a singing tree. She thinks the wind has COLORS. I mean maybe you're all smart enough to not literally look for the colors of the wind, but do you know how much of my childhood was wasted looking for them? Which means that this movie is dangerous for children and should be banned.
"Dude, where's my colors?"
ANALYSIS
I think it's pretty clear throughout this movie that she's on peyote or some other drug. And talk about serious reckless behavior? Half the time, the movie is about her saying, "YOLO, fuck ya'll, I'm going to jump into the river." I think it's clear Pocahontas displays some socially deviant behavior. I know everything about social deviance, because I learned about it in my intro to psych class one time. So glad I get to bestow my knowledge about it upon you here. Social. Deviance.
Also, Disney animal cruelty is not cool, and I am not going to stand for your support of it. Stop endangering the lives of innocent raccoons. PETA WHERE ARE YOU?
#animalcrueltyCONCLUSION
I mean, maybe I shouldn't watch Pocahontas when I'm sleep deprived because this movie makes me so sad that I feel robbed of my childhood. I don't know how I'm ever going to get over this. I hope that I have enlightened you all with my fairtrade, organic study on Pocahontal theory. Now somebody please hand me a donut. I'm really shaken and ripped apart inside by these realizations. Also I don't really know what paradox means, I just really like alliteration. My book on this theory comes out next fall. I will be signing autographed copies for those of you who order it in advance. Please comment to reserve.
xoxo,
Clown Girl
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